Thursday, February 24, 2011

Heart broken

         I am sorry that I have been gone so long. It has been a difficult time for our family. We lost my Mother In Law on Monday evening. She had suffered a massive stroke in her sleep on Saturday and never gained consciousness. So hard to see someone you love lay weak and lifeless,especially someone who  for her 87 years had always been a woman so full of life.

Rita or Fritz as she was nicknamed was the strongest woman I've ever known.She lived and died on her own terms, so to speak. She had embraced each stage of her life without regret always with a strong positive attitude. She made choices and decisions for herself that she felt were necessary and never looked back. Like a couple years ago when she decided she needed to move to an assisted living facility. It certainly wasn't something anyone wanted her to do,but she felt it was the best decision for her. Assisted living is really just a fancy new name for the old ugly one, nursing home. It's a place that doesn't really support or encourage anyone to grow stronger or healthier or wiser. I hate them and wish they didn't exist. I know they serve a purpose but will someone please tell me what that purpose is! She would not change her mind or leave no matter how often we asked her if she wanted to.

Fritz is sitting the second from the right

Several years ago,she is wearing a white jacket and a yellow top
She never wanted to become a burden on her children.
I think there is much to be said however about getting up everyday and having to take care of yourself and your surroundings. A purpose. A purpose to stay alive, and a reason to work hard at staying alert. Once that is gone what is there? To sit and slowly age and fade away.By protecting our elderly with assisted living we rob them of their lives and we in the end miss out on all that they still have to teach us and share.

As family began to come in to visit her in the hospital this past weekend,we all began remembering stories about her and her siblings. She was the third born of 8 children. Seven girls and one boy. And we realized while talking that these siblings were dieing in the order that they were born.

Rita was the third born and the third to die and at the exact same age as her two older siblings,87. It gave me shivers when we all came to the realization. Very strange don't you think? We all sat very still thinking of which Aunt was the 4th born. A pattern we all  pray will not continue.

So now we must say goodbye to her on Friday. That will not be easy.But as all of the kids discovered she has had her funeral planned since 1988,right down to the music.And as she always made the kids attend church every Sunday,she has asked for a full Catholic Mass as we all laughed through our tears, and we all agreed she sure did live life on her own terms....but MOM REALLY A FULL MASS...Ha Ha. Yes a full Mass as she wanted,with everyone there in attendance.

We will miss her forever,but are comforted in the knowledge that we will be together again one day.


  1. Rebecca, I am so sorry for your loss of your MIL, your husband's loss of his Mom, your children's loss of their Grandmother. And for your MIL's family and friends. Your post is a very loving,caring memorial to her! Hugs to all, Theanne
    PS: I really like that she "live(d) life on her own terms." And wanted a "full mass!" Good for her!

  2. I am so sorry for you loss! What a lovely post! I agree with you about the Assisted Living! It used to be, you got old, you got sick, and then you died. Now, there are meds, medical insurance, medical care, and medical facilities. I don't know if it's a good thing or not. Both of my in-laws are or have been in them. Is it quality of life? We do what we can, don't we. My best to you and yours during this difficult time.


  3. I pray for peace and comfort during your time of grief. Thank you for sharing the story of this beautiful strong woman. Hold tight to your memories and keep her close to your heart.

  4. Im so sorry to hear about your loss Rebecca,
    she sounded like an amazing headstrong woman, and a great inspiration in your life.
    Best wishes to you, i hope your wounds heal fast, and memories stay forever.


  5. Rebecca I am 100% with you on the elderly people's care. My grandmother's central nervous system was severely damaged and yet my mother refused to put her in a home like this. She kept her with us for the rest of her life. I am so sorry about your loss.

  6. Oh, Rebecca! I'm truly sorry! What a GORGEOUS, considerate lady she was! And VERY independent and decisive! I am guessing she was a real joy to her family! You have some lovely memories of her, and you will, I'm sure, pass them on and keep her alive in everyone's hearts. Sending you prayers, hugs, condolences, and love tonight!

  7. Condolence.. i'm so sorry to hear your loss of your MIL. Take care.

  8. I am so sorry to read of your loss.

    Rita sounds like an amazing and well loved woman.
    Blessing to you and the family.


  9. condolences. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving such supportive and encouraging words of comfort. After reading this post, I believe you are the stronger woman.

  10. Your dear beloved Fritz sounds like a real gem!!! God bless you and your family!